Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
