you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
