john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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