K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
