The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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