She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize