Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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