Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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