and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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