you guys were way drunker than both of me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
