I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
