Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
