So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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