We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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