I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
