I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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