dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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