Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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