im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
