If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
