How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
