Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
