I wish I could punch you in the face.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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