Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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