The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
