She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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