but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
