Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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