So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
