My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
