Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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