Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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