hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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