I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
