when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
