Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
