In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
