Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
