Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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