i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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