There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am one with the molecules
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
