Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My ATM looks so different sober.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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