K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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