I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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