He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
