just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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