maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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