I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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