the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
