I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
