i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
