none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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