it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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