i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We had sex on a dog bed..
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
