i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
