Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
