I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
